did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
as a side note pls kill me
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
