I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize