Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
