she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
