Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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