New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
