I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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