look no pants
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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