It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
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