i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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