If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
