you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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