drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize