what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
