The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
