And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
