In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
