At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
