I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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