I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
