Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Hippo gnu deer
you inspire me to be a worse person
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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