it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
