I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
