drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
