I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
