he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize