I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
