just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize