he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
