making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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