i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
