Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
