i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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