I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I am one with the molecules
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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