Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
