An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's never too late to be topless.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
