I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
