So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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