I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
