there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
