so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
