I just threw up on my dentist
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
