So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
