no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize