she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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