My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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