i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
