Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
