I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize