Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
