when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
