And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
