youre lurking in front of me
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize