my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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