cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
