Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
