My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
