everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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