im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize