You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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