I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
