Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
