shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
