i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Is it because I queefed?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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