Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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