capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
