Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize