I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
