We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
