Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
