Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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