he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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