we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
