I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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