she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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