Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
