whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
