a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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