She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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