Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
