dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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