whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
