I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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