my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
