I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
