Got a toothbrush?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
