She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
