we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize