Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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