He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
