and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
