I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
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