It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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