Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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