i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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