Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
