dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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