can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
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