You smell like a Billy Joel song
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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