Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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