hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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