hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
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