peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
