he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
